I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
