I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
