discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He has the fingertips of a God
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