Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
