I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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