Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
