so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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