bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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