got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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