woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
