dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
