So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
