Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Come share oat with me in your robe
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
