just tell him i said nine months
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Everyone says I win the strip club
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
