Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
