so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The feeling are messing with the penis
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
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