He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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