Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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