just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
