The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
we made out on top of his cat.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
