The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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