Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Randomize
