you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
How does one acquire holy water?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
