giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
