So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
