it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
