I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
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