the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
