We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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