Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I deserve to be covered in dicks
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
