the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
