Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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