3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
