My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
