If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
