Do you still have your period?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
