He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
