Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
