if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
