You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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