I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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