This is not my ceiling
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We don't watch enough power rangers
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize