I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
