Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
