Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
