Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
