Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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