ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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