Last Night in Washington (253)

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  My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"

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  So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas

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• (253): View more from Washington

  is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?

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  she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.

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  You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!

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  girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends

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• (253): View more from Washington

  Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt

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  Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.

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  Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.

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  dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.

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  i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?

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• (253): View more from Washington

  Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....

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  she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?

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  he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.

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