Texts From Last Night · bngirl1's Favorites

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bngirl1's Favorites Texts:

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(320): View more from Minnesota

I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING

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(203): View more from Connecticut

My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.

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(229): View more from Georgia

For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.

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(613): View more from Ontario

He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....

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(802): View more from Vermont

I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.

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(720): View more from Colorado

There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11

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(908): View more from New Jersey

In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.

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(520): View more from Arizona

dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.

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(425): View more from Washington

He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?

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(703): View more from Virginia

I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.

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(309): View more from Illinois

He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold

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(440): View more from Ohio

You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?

(330): View more from Ohio

Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist

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(+35): View more from

I have feelings that need drinking.

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(240): View more from Maryland

Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.

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(606): View more from Kentucky

When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.

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(309): View more from Illinois

Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?

(727): View more from Florida

Oh god...probably.

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(720): View more from Colorado

Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me

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(818): View more from California

A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance

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(240): View more from Maryland

This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.

(1-240): View more from Maryland

You've ruined popcorn for me.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.

(618): View more from Illinois

dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.

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(+61): View more from Australia

If tits could talk, mine would be bragging

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(845): View more from New York

So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.

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(952): View more from Minnesota

Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.

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(317): View more from Indiana

I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.

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(319): View more from Iowa

I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.

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(209): View more from California

I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.

(209): View more from California

Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.

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(731): View more from Tennessee

We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.

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(416): View more from Toronto

I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".

(416): View more from Toronto

That's about an "8" on normal scales.

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(630): View more from Illinois

I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS

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(415): View more from California

I have a present for you

(415): View more from California

Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked

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(616): View more from Michigan

do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.

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(618): View more from Illinois

When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"

(1-618): View more from Illinois

As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!

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(816): View more from Missouri

well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me

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(714): View more from California

We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.

(714): View more from California

I'll wait.

(714): View more from California

It can also be a hat.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.

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(239): View more from Florida

The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.

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(509): View more from Washington

Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen

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(727): View more from Florida

Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila

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(229): View more from Georgia

Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.

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(618): View more from Illinois

After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...

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(450): View more from Quebec

She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...

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(801): View more from Utah

Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.

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(240): View more from Maryland

You said dick pics aren't attractive

(301): View more from Maryland

Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?

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(601): View more from Mississippi

I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.

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(912): View more from Georgia

I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not

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(909): View more from California

I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"

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(702): View more from Nevada

I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"

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(303): View more from Colorado

The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you

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(614): View more from Ohio

Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.

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(904): View more from Florida

Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.

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(949): View more from California

And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex

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(816): View more from Missouri

You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex

(816): View more from Missouri

...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship

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(410): View more from Maryland

He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."

(410): View more from Maryland

I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Really? A fat girl?

(1-206): View more from Washington

I'm walking her back. Chill out.

(1-206): View more from Washington

She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.

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(561): View more from Florida

You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.

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(315): View more from New York

Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack

(1-315): View more from New York

This is why I love you...

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away

(781): View more from Massachusetts

i think i might be a female sloth

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(512): View more from Texas

When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man

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(707): View more from California

He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.

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(210): View more from Texas

Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.

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(801): View more from Utah

Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.

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(469): View more from Texas

So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.

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(404): View more from Georgia

Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.

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(316): View more from Kansas

Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.

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(702): View more from Nevada

we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night

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(708): View more from Illinois

I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.

(708): View more from Illinois

And it tastes incredible.

(708): View more from Illinois

And I have chest pains.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.

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(913): View more from Kansas

He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.

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(510): View more from California

Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.

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(509): View more from Washington

btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...

(480): View more from Arizona

gifts from me to you. you're welcome.

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(716): View more from New York

I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.

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(770): View more from Georgia

started my period, we have to try again next week

(1-770): View more from Georgia

if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint

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(604): View more from British Columbia

I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.

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(970): View more from Colorado

He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.

(303): View more from Colorado

Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.

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(404): View more from Georgia

Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex

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(440): View more from Ohio

Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself

(1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

You mean maximum 5?

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(303): View more from Colorado

His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.

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(541): View more from Oregon

Somehow he made it really romantic

(503): View more from Oregon

He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.

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(636): View more from Missouri

Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.

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(518): View more from New York

I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....

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(817): View more from Texas

He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...

(1-817): View more from Texas

Actually, she's fat now, so...

(817): View more from Texas

Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?

(1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.

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(702): View more from Nevada

Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours

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(917): View more from New York City

SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!

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(727): View more from Florida

He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.

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(970): View more from Colorado

You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.

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(419): View more from Ohio

She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.

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(432): View more from Texas

then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.

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(+33): View more from France

On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.

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(958): View more from

her vagina just converted me to Judaism.

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(817): View more from Texas

I think that's mostly how we became friends.

(1-817): View more from Texas

Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Another day, another engagement, another cat

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(301): View more from Maryland

Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.

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(916): View more from California

God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth

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(847): View more from Illinois

Did you fuck him in my garden last night?

(1-847): View more from Illinois

That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning

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(419): View more from Ohio

You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.

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(512): View more from Texas

I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone

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(317): View more from Indiana

Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.

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(312): View more from Illinois

When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.

(1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.

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(802): View more from Vermont

Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence

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(609): View more from New Jersey

i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky

(267): View more from Pennsylvania

like hot dogs and buns.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

What bar did i puke in last night

(1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on

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(248): View more from Michigan

Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.

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(630): View more from Illinois

That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."

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(216): View more from Ohio

He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping

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(515): View more from Iowa

I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"

(406): View more from Montana

Midwestern nice.

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(731): View more from Tennessee

She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro

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(970): View more from Colorado

Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.

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(951): View more from California

diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..

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(678): View more from Georgia

I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.

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(706): View more from Georgia

I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)

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(803): View more from South Carolina

Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?

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(614): View more from Ohio

I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.

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(540): View more from Virginia

he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride

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(702): View more from Nevada

I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.

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(734): View more from Michigan

Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....

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