Texts From Last Night · malp_15's Favorites

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malp_15's Favorites Texts:

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(312): View more from Illinois

When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close

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(360): View more from Washington

My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died

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(613): View more from Ontario

I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.

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(818): View more from California

The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.

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(905): View more from Ontario

I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.

(856): View more from New Jersey

dear god, who put you in a cab?

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(313): View more from Michigan

I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.

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