Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
