Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
There's even glitter on my cock...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
