So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
The ass gains better be worth it
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
