Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
