he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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