You can't motorboat a personality
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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