I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize