you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize