I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
