i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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