She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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