We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
