Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
