You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize