Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
