Reggie can tackle my bush.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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